5 days in. Are we delusional or just crazy?

So here we are, on this impossibly idyllic island — think postcard-perfect beaches, palm trees swaying in the breeze, and coconuts that practically fall into your smoothie blender. Surrounded by some of the freshest, most delicious and exotic ingredients you could ever imagine (seriously, even the bananas taste like they’ve been blessed by a tropical goddess), we’ve made a radical decision.

Brace yourselves: we’re going healthy. I know. I can hear the collective gasp from here.

We’re talking clean eating, daily exercise, I mean, we still live on planet Earth. But essentially, we’ve taken a look around this paradise and said, “You know what would make our sun tans look better. A little muscle maybe?

Now, I get it — that doesn’t sound like a holiday. That sounds like a bootcamp with better views. But in truth, it’s not a holiday in the traditional sense. It’s just us… living our normal life, except with more sunscreen, better scenery, and significantly more sweating and a healthier outlook.

Thanks to the magic of remote work, this whole “live somewhere else and pretend it’s normal” thing is shockingly doable. Wi-Fi and Zoom have officially unshackled us from the office, though we do occasionally have to duck under a palm frond mid-call to avoid being mistaken for retirees on a beach bender.

Every day, we’re walking at least 3k. “Pfft, 3k? That’s nothing,” I hear you say. Oh no, friend. You haven’t met this 3k. It’s 3k in 90% humidity, straight uphill both ways (yes, it’s somehow possible), dodging coconuts, lizards, and existential questions about our life choices. We’re burning calories just breathing out here.

The goal? To return home 5 kilos lighter. Because let’s be honest, usually we come back from holidays carrying souvenirs and shame. This time we’re aiming for abs and self-respect. We’re only 5 days in, 80 odd to go. Will it last?

Today, in a desperate attempt to beat the heat, we decided to walk in the water. Genius, right? Wrong. Imagine trudging through a warm aquarium while being slapped around by rogue coral and surprise currents. My calves were screaming, my dignity took a dive, and the fish were definitely judging us — although I like to believe they were cheering us on.

And then there was Rowdy. Oh, Rowdy. Inspired by some combination of David Attenborough and midlife crisis, he decided to do laps of the lagoon. Problem was, he chose the exact spot where the current was stronger than his will to succeed. From the shore, he looked majestic. In reality, he was basically a human treadmill — swimming hard but going nowhere. I didn’t have the heart to tell him. I figured he was getting a good workout either way… plus, it was entertaining.

Tomorrow we’re either tackling another mountain walk or attempting synchronized pool laps or floating around the lagoon because we can’t move. Either way, our legs are going to stage a protest and our muscles will continue plotting revenge.

So that’s us — reinventing the concept of vacation one sweat-drenched, coral-dodging, current-fighting day at a time. Who needs margaritas when you’ve got muscle cramps and moral superiority?

Stay tuned. Or send electrolytes.