Who wants to swim with sharks?

Who wants to swim with sharks?
Not me. Not really. Not on purpose.
Back home in Australia, “swimming with sharks” usually means something has gone horribly wrong. Throw in a bunch of stingrays and suddenly this is less “holiday” and more “survival documentary.”

But today? We’re voluntarily diving in with sharks and stingrays. Clearly, we’re feeling brave. (Though not brave enough to eat fish sold from the side of a road, thank you very much.)

Early Ferry Shenanigans

To make the most of our day in Moorea, we booked the 6:30am ferry and took the car across too—because nothing says “relaxing holiday” like waking up at 4:30am to give ourselves plenty of time to handle any surprises. Good thing too — after waiting in the car line for 20 minutes, we discovered we were in the wrong car line. Cue the panicked reverse and a sneaky lane change.

Most ferries let you drive straight on. Not this one. You enter from the side, up a tiny ramp that’s barely wider than a baguette, and then make a 90-degree turn that defies physics — all while a very enthusiastic ferry guy barks instructions like: left! right! forward! now levitate! Somehow, we wedge ourselves in between six other cars and a gang of motorbikes like sardines in a very tight tin.

Once squeezed in, we stepped through a magic portal and found—hallelujah!—a coffee shop. Pastries, caffeine, and some kind of tropical sunrise made the chaos feel almost charming.

First Stop: Tema’e Beach (and 2nd Breakfast, Obviously)

Out of the car park, turn right (because left leads to absolutely nothing) and we’re on our way. First stop: Tema’e Beach — stunning white sand, turquoise water. It’s early, so we split up to keep exploring. En route, we pick up two French hitchhikers and spend 20 minutes in a wonderfully confusing exchange where nobody understands anything, but everyone smiles and laughs a lot. Friendship through mime.

We then followed a time-honoured Tahitian tradition: second breakfast.
It was… eclectic. The coffee was terrible, but the giant slice of warm chocolate cake with fudge icing eaten beside a turquoise bay made up for it. Honestly, I’d drink instant decaf if it meant I could eat cake beside water like this every day.

Magical Lookouts & Shark Plan B

Next, we headed up to Belvedere Lookout where the views are so magical they look fake—lush green peaks tumbling down into an azure lagoon so perfect it could be on a postcard… or a computer screensaver from 2002.

Feeling brave (or slightly mad), we tried to book a shark-and-stingray tour… but they were all booked out. Crisis! Until we found Les Tipaniers Hotel, where you can hire your own boat and captain your own destiny. What could possibly go wrong?

Well, the engine, for one. It spluttered like a blender full of marbles. We were in danger of drifting aimlessly to New Zealand. Thankfully, Stefan, our new best friend, towed us back in, swapped boats, and sent us off again into the not-so-wild blue.

Shark! Stingray! Paddle Faster!

Within minutes we spot one. Suz nearly walks on water trying to escape it — impressive, but unnecessary, as the sharks couldn’t care less about us. They drift by, looking chill. Then the stingrays show up, brushing against us like affectionate cats. Suz actually walks on water this time. You can stroke them, hold them — they even tried kissing a few people (or lightly nibbling them — hard to say).

Fish everywhere, some surprisingly big. None of them bothered by the sharks, which is either comforting or very concerning. We spend a glorious hour floating in this surreal aquarium before Gillian and MaryAnne revive the S.S. Minnow and steer us back to shore.

We were out there for an hour, surrounded by fish, rays, sharks, and unbothered locals. It was magical, surreal, and possibly the highlight of our trip so far. Also: we didn’t get eaten. 5 stars.

Time’s flying. Soon we’ll be squeezing the car back into the floating sardine tin.

Lagoon Cocktails & Rainy Romance

After surviving the shark pit, we went full island mode and headed to Café Tiki Ata, where you sit in the water to eat while fish nibble your feet. Sounds dreamy, right?

Unfortunately, it starts to bucket down, so we retreat with a cocktail that matches the lagoon in color — and strength. So much rhum (Tahitian for “lots of alcohol”) that Suz couldn’t finish hers. Like a true gentleman, I stepped in to help.

Retail Therapy & Drifting Like Seaweed

Feeling tipsy but classy, we move on to Ke’iki — no view, but good food. Solid choice.

Driving along, Suz spots a few potential retail therapy zones. She dives into the air-conditioned shops while I roast in the sun like a supportive rotisserie chicken while googling “how to reverse a car sideways onto a ferry”

Back to gorgeous Tema’e Beach, which is now packed. We find a spot, splash in for a snorkel, and let the current gently drift us over coral and colorful fish. It’s like floating through a dream.

Return of the Ferry Fiasco

Back to the ferry for round two. If you thought getting on was fun, wait till you try getting off. The ferry crew work at lightning speed, and if you hesitate for even a second, you’ll be barked at in three languages and twelve hand signals.

The ride home? Rough. Think “Manly ferry on a bad day” but with fewer lifejackets and more people reaching for those bags in the seat pocket. But hey—we made it. Slightly green, not scratched, and very much still alive.

Final Verdict:
Moorea? 11/10 would swim with sharks again.
But maybe not at 6:30am.

I think old James may have been right.

Would you swim with sharks or hitchhike with French strangers who may or may not be talking about cheese?

Drop us a comment—we live for your chaos too.